Defence of the Submissive Husband

So much of the material that you find on the internet about male submission and female dominance tends to minimize the value of the submissive man. If a man shows his feelings, he is somehow less valuable than a “macho” man. Boys are still taught to suppress their emotions and the boys that show emotions are valued less than the boys who express themselves. I wholeheartedly reject the alpha-male, beta-male concept entirely.

Traditional men are seen as conquering women and moving on to the next until they grow weary of the sexual conquests and settle for a woman that checks all the boxes. Submissive men are typically serial monogamists that seek to honor and become friends with their woman without “conquering” them. Submissive men seek to avoid the traditional power struggle from a relationship since they desire to be supportive and devoted.

As a society we minimise these who seek to bring value and loving submission to a relationship. These men crave women that make relationship decisions for them. A submissive man searches for a woman suitable of his loving devotion and dedicates himself to her. They are the men who saved themselves for the right women. The femdom stereotype seeks to suggest that a woman should degrade the man and make him feel that he is worthless. This is remarkably easy to do since the submissive man takes the majority of his self worth and relationship validation from his ability to please his woman.

I would argue that a women’s responsibility with a submissive man is to build him up and support his submission inasmuch as she feels comfortable. If he wishes to give foot massages every night, do all of the housework and take care of the children, watch us receive pleasure from well endowed men, be guided in social circles and financial decisions – who are we to say that this is not normal or acceptable in our society?

So much of the dominant female stereotype suggests that submissive men should be locked, cuckolded and cast aside for another, stronger more virile man. I personally believe that as submissive man does not equal a weaker man. Yes, to have most impact their penis should be locked, but then we have an engagement ring at a point in our lives. Does that make us their propert like a branded cow? No, it’s simply a symbol of trust and ensures they understand who has the authority. Men’s minds wonder, whether we like it or not and having a cage ensures you are always front and centre. Now, a man can be both submissive and strong just as a dominant man may be weak. My father, for instance was a submissive man at home.

My father was a well respected boss throughout his career. He was a man who was in charge at work but came home and recognized my mother’s authority in the home. My mother’s authority while loving was the final say at home. I feel that I was lucky to have role models like my parents. My mother and I have discussed this topic and she said that a wife-led household was very common in their generation. Today, it seems that a female led household is frowned upon and the man is seen as weak where I say they are strong.

Before my husband I’ve been in relationships with dominant men and the power struggle is absolutely exhausting. It is like two selfish children “I want, I want”. My submissive boyfriend, had a previous relationship with a submissive woman and found it equally as dysfunctional. Nobody was capable or interested in making decisions so nothing ever got done. If the following dialog sounds familiar, you may have been there too:

• Should we book this vacation?

• I don’t know, let’s think about it

• Why not…

• Should we not wait...

My point with this is to embrace a submissive man and find his inherent value. Just because he is submissive does not make him any less of a man. Locking and controlling his penis to implement control does not make him weak.

With all that said we don’t want a doormat submissive man. What we need is a submissive man confident in his submission, confident that you are the person for him and not insecure about losing you. This man is in touch with his feelings and not afraid to share how he is feeling or ask you for a hug on a rough day. This may seem like an impossible group of traits but I assure you, it isn’t. If you don’t see these traits in your submissive man, start developing them now. You can work with him to help develop his feelings with sensitive acts like teasing, light fun of sharing past sexual encounters with more dominant men, hugging naked and acts that evoke emotion-driven conversation. Explain that you need more than to be placed on his pedestal and worshiped. You are looking for a partner and a friend who chooses to be submissive to you and serve you in the context of your relationship.