How can I be a good husband to my wife?
Asking how to be a better husband is a great start! In this blog, you’ll find a mix of usual and not-so-usual tips for being a great partner. It’s all about choosing every day to be an amazing partner and taking the measures needed. Just wanting to be better can really make a difference. You might have noticed that I usually write for women trying to help their husbands, but this one’s different – it’s for husbands who want to step up their game. First off, think about why you want to do better for her. Ready to dive in? Let’s tackle your question
How can I be a good husband?
The fact that you are even trying shows that you have the desire to be a good husband. You have the desire to be a better partner. Let’s talk about what most men want from a marriage. A best friend, an emotional safe space, respect, support, encouragement, vulnerability and at most times, sex. Guess what fellas, we want the exact same things!
We mix the order up a bit and there is an interesting outlier in the list; respect. You earn her respect when you consistently consider and value her feelings. When you make time for her, introduce her to others, never hide things from her, show care and you take care of yourself physically. The needs of men and women aren’t that different really. There are many ways that we differ but Where do we differ?
Men are problem solvers by nature and women often want to be heard. You see, you want to do, and we offer the much needed guardrails.
What about courtship?
Courtship involves the efforts you made while initially getting to know her. This includes taking her out for meals, being chivalrous like holding doors open, and going the extra mile. She was the primary focus of your affection and attention. In this phase, you were keen to impress her with your humor, engaging conversation, talents, and ensuring your less desirable habits remained in the background.
Provide her with all she requires to look her best. It's often said that men prefer a partner who not only gives them respect, l but also looks her best. This notion, perhaps an echo of ancient human behaviour, implies a preference for a partner who is wanted by others. As part of this dynamic, take care more of family responsibilities and allow her to pamper herself. Furthermore, as finances are under her control, she should be free to purchase what she needs to feel her best.
Attitude is All
Everyone dislikes condescension, and unfortunately, many men, often unknowingly, fall into this pattern, especially as years in a marriage accumulate. It's crucial to become more mindful and deliberate with your words. I recall numerous times when my husband talked down to me, only to realize later that he was mistaken. This necessitates a frank conversation and establishing clear guidelines. Remember, a kitchen can’t accommodate two chefs. Men are natural problem-solvers, and women seek to be genuinely listened to. Being heard isn't just about acknowledgment; it’s about enhancing your problem-solving with our input, which can be more effective than you might think. For some, this comes naturally, but the rule is clear: when it's time to stop and embrace your wife's judgment, do so without hesitation. If you're reading articles on being a better husband, you're already acknowledging, even subconsciously, the need for guidance. Shed your ego, and you'll discover the true potential of what a man can be. For my husband, this was necessary to be transferred immediately to my parents. I would expect the same respect provided to me to my parents. As in my other blogs, I refer to this as the 'worship the mother-in-law state’. Under the influence of this dynamic, my husband becomes so obedient that he would acknowledge any mistake if my mother asked.
All he wants is sex!
Men get a bad rap for wanting sex all of the time. We raise boys and tell them not to show emotions and never to cry. We actively push boys to hide their emotions and tell them that real men don’t have emotions. Guess what, women want a man who can share emotions with her. Common parenting doesn’t set men up to be successful partners. Men who accept the emotionless, stoic lie will never be good partners until they adapt. Humans are not emotionless, humans are full of a wide range of exciting emotions from high highs to low lows. A partner wants to experience that roller coaster of emotions with you as a partner. To have an emotionally fulfilling relationship, you should both be fully engaged in your marriage and neither of you should be an observer.
Your body seeks sexual supply.
Your body is hard-wired to reproduce, you do want sex and there are biological reasons why you do. You want to eat, drink, sleep and reproduce. You won’t be changing that anytime soon so you need to change the details of your supply by creating a supply scarcity If you aren’t hungry, you won’t go out hunting to capture food. If you aren’t thirsty, you won’t seek a water source to quench your thirst. If you don’t feel like your sexual supply is scarce or threatened then you won’t seek to protect or strengthen it. Removing sex from your relationship doesn’t seem like a feasible way to improve your marriage so how can you trick your body into thinking that your supply of sex is at risk? A fight will make you feel some uncertainty, you may even buy some flowers to fix whatever caused the fight.
You must be crazy if you think I’ll give up my orgasms!
Nobody is asking you to give up your orgasms, all I am suggesting is that you look at sex differently. See sex as a journey and not a destination. When the finish line isn’t in sight, your sex will turn from an awkward thrustfest to passionate melding of two bodies. Most men really struggle with this and they do need help from their partner. First to understand the why behind the change and second to support him by holding him accountable for each and every one of his orgasms.
Most men masturbate far too frequently for this to be remotely effective and are not honest with their wives. The orgasm is the supply and frequent self-love removes the requirement of any sort of emotional connection with your partner. Sex can (and should) end without orgasm most of the time. Men, it starts of tough but then becomes pure bliss.
How can we trick your body?
If your body thinks that you are not getting sex, your innate desire to court her will return. Your attention will focus on her. How can you trick your body into thinking that you aren’t getting sex but still get sexual stimulation that you need to have a fulfilling relationship? The trick is to control and minimize your orgasm. Western culture has conditioned us to believe that sex=orgasm at least when it comes to men. If a man ends a sex session without an orgasm, the woman is some sort of blue ball inducing monster. Orgasms feel great but they also release hormones that tell us all is well and quench your thirst for sexual supply. The trick is to experience a fantastic sex but stop short of experiencing an orgasm. This seems crazy since we see male orgasm as the finish line to a sexual experience but what if it wasn’t? What if the finish line to sexual experience was some cuddling and perhaps her reassuringly resting her hand on his penis until he got soft once again. These are proven methods tried by me, others in marriage-led relationships and many readers.
Manipulating Sexual Supply
There are a good number of popular sexual fetishes that are exciting because they threaten our sexual supply. From chastity to your partner having a sexual affair, our fantasies manifest your body’s obsession with sexual supply. Threesomes with two women and a male offer an abundance of sexual supply for the male and the inverse with two males and a female offer a shortage of sexual supply for the males. Have you ever watched porn about wife sharing or cuckolding? Both of these fetishes sexualize the threat of losing your mate. This can lead to feelings of perceived sexual shortage. The rush of watching your partner with another man has the potential to give intense feelings of jealousy and even anger. On the flip side of that coin, closely bonded partners can overcome those initial emotions and focus in their partner experiencing joy and pleasure.
Your wife telling you of her previous sexual experiences is another way that we channel these very natural emotions that manipulate our perception of sexual supply. This is especially true if your manhood is average (or below).
Conclusion
By manipulating the male sexual perception of supply and accessibility, we can gamify the male body to think it is always in a state of courtship. That courtship phase is what gives the female relationship and sexual confidence. This is a wonderful cycle that keeps her emotionally satisfied and sexually charged as if she is always entering a new relationship with new relationship energy (NRE).
