My 7 Day Step by Step Guide

In my previous blogs, we discussed orgasms and how controlling male orgasms can be integral to the satisfaction potential of your relationship. It really is a make or break point for any FLR.

I’ll do my best to make this blog stand on its own two feet but I’d recommend that you read previous blogs first.

This time around I’ll be going through the things that he gains from orgasm denial and how to successfully implement orgasm denial in your relationship through the steps I follow.

How to do it

I receive dozens of emails and messages from women who are motivated to lock their husbands, but have concerns of first doing it and second doing it wrong. The first thing to do is take every preconceived notion about chastity and throw it out the window. Now say this with me out loud, “I cannot do chastity wrong. I cannot lock my husband up incorrectly. I am doing it correctly, no matter how I choose to do it.” If you are sitting in a Starbucks, expect some weird stares from the other patrons for the first couple minutes. Sorry about that. The answer to “how do I do it” is much simpler and more complex than you might think.

Orgasm denial for me is about pushing boundaries, attention, and affection. I want my husband to be the best version of himself for me and my family, even if it means him not being released for seven days and having zero masturbation. To you though, orgasm denial may be about something else. The point is we all wanted something different which made us take upon such path. There are many things that we can get from being denied and it is important that you discuss it often to make sure that you are both getting what you need from it.

Frequently evaluate what you are getting from denial and chastity because it will certainly change over time. In many relationships, the wife is more focused on making sure the husband submits to her new dynamic, his well being, and ensuring a new path is set. For my husband, it’s important I make this fun by teasing, asking him to show me his cage. This will help him from wanting to get out of this dynamic which once you experience the benefits, there will be no going back this will help him feel comfortable. If he comes off as cold and resentful, talk about why he is feeling that way. It may be an indication that your lockup time is too long. If not, it’s important as a wife to understand your man had a problem and this is the means to solve it. Guilt is a lonely path that should not be endured.

Phases of denial

The cycle of frustration, helplessness and ultimately submission is key to orgasm denial. In fact, every lockup period starts with arousal and whether he says it or not, he will almost certainly find the idea of you locking him up arousing. Despite arousal about being locked, he knows that shortly after a brief arousal a large amount of frustration awaits. Most husbands who agree to locking their most cherished tool must have had a strong realisation that their penis was a distraction and a fix was necessary. Otherwise, that frustration would scare them away.

Denial is about offering him something that he is unable to participate in and denial is simply submitting to what he normally would not. Denial is requesting that he watch as you pleasure yourself. Denial is about making his mind think that one thing is going to happen but that thing doesn’t happen. Denial is making him understand that your way is the right way. They say over 80% of sexual pleasure is mental yet we focus on the 20% that is physical. With denial, you are beginning to unlock part of that 80%. Men are by nature goal oriented and they focus their ejaculation. Orgasm denial forces them to focus on the path to orgasm and the pleasure that is to be found along the way.

What he gains

So what does he gain from orgasm control? Free time, motivation, willpower, energy, confidence, better health, removed feeling of guilt, improved family dynamic and all of those things are in addition to the relationship satisfaction boost that he is about to get from a happier wife. Many men introduce the chastity cage to a relationship and from many of my readers this is fuelled by guilt about their masturbation habits coming from the quality of your together time. He knows that masturbating once or even several times per day isn’t bringing the two of you closer, it’s doing the opposite. He may even see this as an opportunity to pay penance for “taking” relationship energy for himself and causing you frustration in the once upon a time.

He will also gain some confidence by feeling wanted and feeling like he is pleasing you with his masturbation habits and/or chastity cage. This is especially the case if the man has had little to no sexual experience before meeting their partner, which doesn’t mean having to be a virgin as it’s very unlikely you take a man’s virginity in modern times. He may see the glimmer in your eye when you waggle the key. See what I mean, this all becomes fun and at the same time gives us women what we want inside and outside the bedroom. So many relationships are missing an element of fun.

What you gain

The first day will be annoying for both of you and I wouldn’t be surprised if either of you consider stopping this before it really even starts. I encourage you to stick with it. If he gets cold feet, comfort him. If he won’t stop talking about it, be stern and tell him that you are done talking about it. The more you entertain conversation, the more your evening will focus around his “plight”. The focus should be on getting what you want and shift in the relationship dynamic. You probably won’t love seeing him frustrated some of the time but if you are like me, you will start to see the very distinct phases of his lockup. Ladies we should learn to love this moment and make it fun for. If you are this stage, congrats you nearly have a domesticated husband. Many women should envision all the times they had to go through their own frustration by following their husbands, not having a voice, having sex against their will, faking an orgasm and use this as fuel to their enjoyment of locking their husband.

Teasing

Yes, we know all the benefits we are receiving through an FLR. Teasing is needed to keep him involved. It is about keeping this as real as possible for his lockup period and it is about keeping him focused on making him a better version of himself and the person that put him there, you. While you can unlock him and play with him daily I recommend keeping him locked for the first few days straight through. Be overly sexualized, straddle him and play much more provocatively than you normally do. This is temporary. While straddling him or bending over in front of him, push his caged pee per against you and act disappointed. Tell him “if it was bigger it would be out”. That one always gets him going. I call that underwear play and it takes him to a different place entirely. It also separates me from being the obstacle preventing him from stimulation to the cage. Instead of complaining that you don’t want to unlock it, you are reinforcing that the cage is the thing preventing his arousal.

Every ounce of energy will come back to you ten fold so play with it. It will probably feel easier to be more free and confident with your sexuality since it will only serve to amp up his frustration. Teasing allows me to take pleasure in his denial everyday.

Taking it seriously

When it comes time to lock up, it is important that you use a clear and stern tone. Make it clear that he is to be locked up without conversation or argument. Your decision is absolute and if you let him out once he will try every time; eroding at your authority. Be stern and when you tell him to lock up and ensure that he locks up without argument. Remember, this does not have to be a forever thing and can be reduced overtime. When my husband is locked, I want to reward his behavior so I’ve asked him to thank me for locking him and tell me how much he appreciates me for what I am doing. This helps him realize that he isn’t the only one making a sacrifice and it also reminds me that my efforts are appreciated. After all, his locked pee pee is just one more thing that I have to remember in my otherwise busy life with kiddos, family and work. As much fun as you can have from this, it’s important to have set a strong set of rules (other blogs) and remember this is to cut down his masturbating patterns and make him excel in ways he’s never before. This has a direct impact on what us women put more focus on.

Setting his expectations

The cage is just one means of orgasm control. You are not locking him to prevent access to your body, you are locking him to prevent access to himself. This allows him to focus energy on you without feeling an expectation of sex as a condition of release. If he is allowed to be released, the intention of the surrender is that he is allowed himself. Orgasm denial about controlling his orgasm and has little to do with sex. In fact my husband rarely has his weekly orgasm with sex as the conduit for that orgasm.

When the time comes

All good things must come to an end. When you decide to release him, you choose what that means. Does releasing him involve allowing an orgasm? If not, consider that he will go away and take matters into his own hands if he isn’t supervised. If you simply want to unlock him for play, ensure that you help him by making him lock back up immediately after. Be stern and be very clear. No compromises. Remember, if you unlock him it will have to wait before it goes back into the cage. Tell him he has to do this, you don’t need the extra work of doing this.

If you decide that unlocking him also means orgasm, there are lots of ways to enjoy that time together. My favorite methods are to give him a ruined orgasm which allows him to ejaculate but to keep complete focus and determination, make him pleasure himself while watching me and telling me how much he appreciates me. I like watching his pent up energy and more often than not, I’ll ask him to lock back up when I see him getting close or if he is taking too long. Another method is to keep him locked, and use my magic wand on his balls. This is total bliss for me and for him sharing the same toy. It also helps him associate pleasure to other areas of his body and helps him understand his small penis is not the only way for him to feel sexual satisfaction or offer sexual satisfactions. A more recent method is making my husband use a cock sleeve (toy) that acts like an extender. This makes me feel a larger cock and make him work harder as he looses stimulation. Splitting his weekly time into a second session or even skipping his weekly isn’t a punishment, it is just a condition of love and devotion. As you explore the process you will find what works best for your relationship.

You may be thinking to yourself, what about me?! Ladies, if you experience all these benefits you will understand. It’s also not to say we don’t receive what we need. For any new readers, if your man is small like my husband and this means anything below 5 inches, you aren’t getting much pleasure. I personally have my bull/boyfriend that fulfils me and reaches places my husband could never. You can have your husband stay between your legs, use a dildo, use cock sleeve/extender, and so much more.

How do I actually do it?

Knowing that you want to control his orgasms and knowing all of the fancy sciences behind it is one thing but it is another thing entirely to put it into practice. Here is an average week in the life of my house.

Monday

Lockup starts on Sunday night/Monday for us most weeks and his cage is placed conveniently on his night stand with a note that says something to the affect of “I am so lucky to have the best husband ever, thank you for locking up for me.”

I wake up early for the kids and work on Monday. If I’m working from the office, I usually get a nice text with photo proof by the time I arrive at the office.

Mondays are intense in banking, so In the evening after family affairs I’ll tease but not too much. This can be minutes worth of touching or some dirty talk. We do have a life! He is usually overly chatty and slightly distracted but not too horny or frustrated yet.

In my previous blogs, I've outlined a need of clear set of rules, encompassing household chores and self-improvement. As I've mentioned before, a Female-Led Relationship (FLR) extends beyond the bedroom, differing from the BDSM dynamic often promoted in other forums. My approach emphasizes a comprehensive structure, and now, my husband adheres to a strong routine.

Tuesday

Tuesday morning is usually bad in terms of attitude and sometimes I even have to remind him that he is being grumpy. He knows what that means and it is almost always unintentional. At this point he is subconsciously accepting that he has relinquished control of his penis. This is when he shifts from helplessness to acceptance. If you are just getting started, this usually takes some days but we’ve got such a routine that we’ve come to accelerate this step (thank goodness).

Tuesday during the afternoon he can sometimes be needy if I don’t reel that in. Some good teasing is almost always in order for Tuesday evening. Physical attention of any kind usually snaps him out of any funk that he might be in. Ladies, this is on your terms.

Just keep in mind if he wants to give up, don’t quit. I promise, when you realise the benefits you will know why.

Wednesday

Are you ready for a level of boy-communication that you’ve never seen before? He is usually so attentive that we can’t help but spend some intimate time together. This might be some sensual touching or whatever you prefer. You must never feel like you need to unlock him, especially at the start. If you do and he gets close ejaculating, he knows to warn me. The cage goes back on, without release of course. He is a good sport about it and he knows what to expect. My husband understands that things can change depending on work duties and the kids. Seriously, communication pops off by Wednesday and this whole thing makes so much sense right about now.

Thursday

The communication, the intimacy weren’t enough, he starts redirecting his frustration and need for physical stimulation toward touching.

I am a sucker for touching so this usually results in some reciprocation in terms of teasing. This is the day where you can see the joyful agony on his face as you climb on top of him and complain about him being locked with a sultry furrowed brow. We both love the mind games that chastity allows for. It offers a fun and playful dynamic.

Friday

The day that signals the end of the week and a wonderful weekend ahead of us together. My rule is no ejaculating before the weekend. Here’s its family time and I want my husband attentive. This is much so if my parents and sisters are visiting. He is usually very emotional and connected by Friday. A deep and intimate connection and he seems to be attentive, sitting on my every word. It makes me feel important and loved.

Of all the days, I would say that I feel most connected on Fridays. After which he is so submissive and we are so connected. Our Friday nights are the best, curled up watching a movie.

Saturday

Saturday is all about activities and fun for the family. For us, we make time for each other on Saturdays and try to always do something fun and exciting. That could be a local farmers market, local nature hikes, community arenas or even a movie. We try to do something about each other and to celebrate the intimacy and closeness that the week has brought us.

The closeness we feel through the day usually leads to some intimacy in the afternoon or evening once the kids are tucked away.

We’ve had some close calls in terms of holding back the inevitable but he is usually good about shutting things down before he gets too excited.

I often almost feel guilty on Saturdays because I get those puppy dog eyes. Thankfully I am good at redirecting that energy into some creative teasing that we both crave. Saturdays are usually when I do some of the teasing and comparing him to my dildo, that really gets a reaction from him.

Sunday

You would think that he anticipates Sunday like no other but for both of us, it is bittersweet. We know that we’ve experienced a weeklong connection and we look forward to yet another wonderful week together. We usually try and tell each other some positive things about each other from the last week, what we liked, what we didn’t like, how we progressed. Same project management principles applied to my workforce. We follow that up with some things we are excited for in the coming week.

His release is nearly always late in the day or evening, bed time. We mix things up. Last week for example, after being unlocked he was to stand by the bedside and stroke himself until releasing himself on me. He was a bit distracted and almost didn’t finish in time. If it takes too long he might go without, a timer keeps him eager. this is up to you, there is no correct way.

Conclusion

You need to understand that he is quite literally changing his physiology and adjusting his hormonal balance and his body’s sexual expectations. Since he figured out what to do with his bits as a teen, he has been spurting freely and now you are reeling that back in. You are denying him what he wants and that puts you in a position of authority over him. You hold the key and you alone hold the verdict of his dopamine release. He needs you and you need him. Orgasm denial changes the symbiotic relationship needs and allows for a greater acknowledgement of authority.