My Husband’s Energy Was Lagging

A reader recently reached out to me with a common but frustrating challenge: “My husband says he’s committed to our FLR, but some days he just… drags. It’s like he’s going through the motions. How do I light a fire under him"

I understood her frustration completely. When your husband’s energy dips, it’s easy to feel like it’s your fault, like you’re not leading well enough or demanding enough. But here’s the truth: A lethargic submissive isn’t a reflection of your leadership. It’s a sign he needs sharper reminders of why you’re in charge and some excitement.

I gave her three unconventional strategies. Two worked almost immediately. The third? It transformed everything. Let’s break it all down.

1. Dress Like the Prize He Knows You Are. Flaunt It

One of the first things I told her was to stop waiting for the “perfect” version of herself to show up. So many women say, “I’ll start dressing up when I lose the baby weight” or “I’ll wear that dress when I feel more confident.” But here’s the thing. Your power isn’t conditional on a number on a scale or a milestone you haven’t hit yet.

My advice was simple: Dress like the woman men stare at. Every single day.This doesn’t mean you have to look like a runway model. It means embracing the version of yourself that turns heads. Slip into that fitted dress now, not “someday.” Wear heels to school pickup and let other fathers notice. Put on red lipstick for grocery runs and let strangers wonder why your husband trails behind you, keys in hand.

Why does this work? Because when you radiate “untouchable,” your husband’s cage feels heavier. He’ll start scrambling to prove he’s worthy of your attention.

The reader who reached out to me shared this: “After I started dressing like I was ‘out of his league,’ he began leaving little notes around the house: ‘You’re breathtaking. Thank you.’ His energy? Through the roof.”

2. Create Competition. Even If You Don’t Want It

The second strategy I suggested was a bit more unconventional but one that other readers said works. I told her to join a dating app, with her husband’s full knowledge. This wasn’t about cheating or even about finding someone else. It was about curating desire and reminding her husband that she was a prize worth competing for.

Here’s how it worked: She posted photos of herself in her glory, shots of her stilettos and or on vacation. She flirted with a few men casually, and then I gave her a challenge: Ask one of them for an intimate photo. Not for her, but for her husband. When she showed her husband the shirtless gym selfie a 29 year old with a cock twice as large sent her, he didn’t sulk or get angry. Instead, he deep-cleaned the house and then asked, “What else can I do to keep you?”. It also got him very tight in his cage but that should be no suprise.

Why does this work? Men thrive on competition, even those in an FLR. When he sees other men covet what he’s lucky to barely have access to, it ignites a primal drive to prove himself and worship you more.

3. Book a Solo Night Away And Make Him Plan It

The third strategy was about reclaiming her identity outside of motherhood and marriage. So many women lose themselves in the roles of wife and mother, and their husbands forget that they’re also vibrant, desirable women.

Here’s what I told her to do: Tell her husband, “You’re booking me a hotel in the next city over. Find a safe bar where men will buy me drinks.” She packed lingerie he hadn’t seen in years and sent him a selfie from the hotel mirror with the message: “Thank you for ensuring I’m adored.”

What happened next?
He obsessed over her safety… and her desirability. He realized that her happiness required his relentless effort. And when she returned home, glowing and confident, he was on his knees, begging to maintain that version of her.

“I came home to roses, a reorganized closet, and him on his knees,” she told me.

Why These Strategies Work

Some women worry that these tactics are manipulative. They’re not. They’re instructional. Your husband wants to worship you, he just forgets how. These strategies aren’t about cruelty or control. They’re about clarity.

When you dress unapologetically, you remind him: “This is the woman you vowed to serve.”
When others crave you, you affirm: “Submission is a privilege.”
When you vanish for a night, you prove: “My happiness is your purpose.”

Your FLR Thrives When You Do

Sacrificing your spark to “keep the peace” helps no one. Your husband needs to see you as a force not just his wife, but a woman who could have anyone… and chose him.