Understanding Your Husband

As part of being in a wife-led marriage comes the element of sex. It’s important to call out though, this is so much more than sex as you would have understood through reading my other blogs. With that said I have adopted a hotwife and slowly transitioned to hybrid Hotwife/cuckold relationship with my husband.

As part of this, I want to write about the intricacies involved in having a husband that shares this with you.

As most of my readers are women, take a pause now and think of the last 5, 10, 20 sexual encounters with your husband. Did it feel new or was it like a Monday morning schedule? Did it bring you to those experiences you had in the past? Does it take you where your past fling had, with his ding dong? You know, those heights of sexual pleasure – heights to which our husband can never lift us. No, and that’s the case for most women.

Not Sufficient

For years hubby was my love, and the “best” fuck I had ever had. But then, I cucked him with my bull, and now he’s not anymore, and he never will be the best fuck again, but because of the amazing man he is, brought me to the best. He brought me to the bull who takes me where he cannot, and he can take comfort, and pride in knowing that. For many husbands, it’s huge pressure to try and fill the boots of the man we women sexualise desire. This is draining and can really put a negative effect on our husbands, and this was the case for mine. He is humbled by the truth of my greater desire for, and pleasures from my bulls.

Size MATTERS

In wife-led relationships where Hotwifing or cuckolding is involved, it's common for husbands to have an average or smaller-sized penis. Generally speaking, anything below 5 inches is considered small. My own husband is around 4.8 inches, and lately, he doesn't last as long in bed. For us, getting into cuckolding was a big relief for him. We're totally open about the fact that he's on the smaller side, and weirdly enough, we both find that kind of humiliating but in a hot way. I would say “baby, your penis is not enough for me”, “show me that little thing” or hold his penis against our much larger dildo. There's no reason to feel bad about liking a bit of light humiliation, and you need to show this to your husband. It’s better to be upfront about this. Keeping hush only puts unnecessary pressure on the husband and makes it akward, when really, being open and cool about it makes everything way more relaxed and fun.

Our husbands can’t give us the new relationship experience (NRE), the taboo, or the simplicity of sex outside a committed relationship.

When we fuck our husbands, we know what to expect. We know them and how they fuck. We know the positions, the sequence, how long before they cum, and how long before they fall asleep. Everyone needs variety to keep things fresh and exciting, but we especially need the spark of the new to keep our fire lit.

Husbands can switch things around, and introduce a measure of variety, they can do something new but they can’t be something new, and it’s difficult to change things up enough without seeming like contrived novelty. Husbands are safe. They’re the guys who leave their dirty socks on the floor, leave the toilet lid up, and the ones who have seen us in our sweats without makeup and with the baby’s fresh spit-up decorating our shirt. They’re the guys who run to the store to get us tampons.

Our bulls are none of that. They’re fantasy men. They have only ever seen us ladies at our sexiest. They have never irritated us, or made work for us, or gotten into an argument with us. The bulls have only ever treated us like the Queens that we are, giving us undivided attention, and passion – never distracted by Cricket or Football, when we need the dick. Bulls are taboo, they’re fresh, and new, and remind us ladies how beautiful and desirable we are like husbands can’t. No matter how hard husbands insist, we don’t quite believe them like we believe our bulls’ words, and our bulls’ touches because we understand that husbands “have to” tell us we’re beautiful.

Sex with bulls is different from anything husbands can give us. They can’t compete on the bull’s terms, and sex with bulls is the hottest, wildest, dirtiest sex us women will ever have, and yes…because of all the intangibles around it, the context, sex with bulls is better than with husbands.

Maintenance Sex

So, what is the husbands sexual role in a hotwife/cuckold relationship? Maintenance sex, and it is key to an ongoing healthy sexual relationship of any kind but especially so in a wife-led relationship. Maintenance sex is regular sex with your husband and a baseline for other enjoyment outside of that core relationship.

Maintenance sex is weekly or biweekly sex (you decide) that is either planned or expected - we do have light plays in-between. It is rarely spontaneous and isn’t overly hot and is intended to meet the baseline needs of the sexual relationship. There is no sexual bond for a sexless relationship. A couple that is not meeting their baseline sexual needs is arguably not a healthy well rounded sexual relationship. With this, sex does not mean penetration. This is something that should be determined by the wife, whilst keeping the husband in mind. My husband is not permitted to enter me all the time and neither do I go down on him, that’s saved for special occasions. Anal is reserved only for my bulls and this is again a fun teaser I have for my husband. Sex consists of him going down on me, using our favourite dildo, handjobs, and lots and lots of edging.

Choosing Bull over Husband

Here is blob on my previous blog that helps understand husbands in this dynamic. As I lay with my husband like I have so many times before, he pushed himself into me but this time was different. This time I didn’t want that from him. Not tonight. Tonight I didn’t want that from him. My hand guided his penis up and away from my pussy with each of his attempts. I held his body close to me and whispered “no baby, not today” and caressed his tummy with my hand. He stopped and we lay there for a long time and I felt his frustration. My desire was for my bull and my heart was thinking of my lover and our upcoming weekend tryst. I had to be honest with my husband, right? Before too long, my husband began to grind himself against my leg. I held his penis with each thrust and he eventually came on me, it didn’t take long.

This was a special moment for us and an important step in our journey together. We laid together for a few moments more before he simply asked, why? My body is for my bull right now and I, I, I just can’t with you. Not right now, I stuttered. Will we ever? He asked. I replied of course, my love, just not right now. Not tonight. In my mind I couldn’t fathom wanting to be with him in that way again. Not with the way my bull made my heart race and my mind fill with lust and excitement. I knew it would only pass and my sexual recoil from my husband was only temporary as it has been in the past. It’s common to lose libido when sex is no longer exciting. Sex with my husband wants me to have less of it, which is negative for our entire relationship. But, my body falls for the latest fling but my mind and my heart stay with my husband for always. I am wired for passion and lust and my loving husband provides emotional security and consistency but our passion and lust pales in comparison to the newness because we have intense closeness and intimacy.

Our therapist guided us through this troubling realization as we learned about how I was wired. She called it the limerence period and she said that I thrive on it, I am addicted to it. She went on to acknowledge that most women do not experience life changing sexual experiences and extreme orgasms with their primary partner. This is the relationship cycle and is simply how things work. When couples learn how their bodies work, they evolve to a new level of excitement and satisfaction.

Most evolved relationships in fact benefit from the man gathering his emotional and sexual connection from his female partner while the female is open to meeting her physical and emotional needs from multiple males in a fully transparent and consensual manner. The key to this type of marriage is not only the male’s acceptance but the male’s support and permission for the wife to pursue and enjoy these types of experiences as an expression of his love for her. In fact studies even show that nearly 60% of men are wired to have fantasies of sharing their female partners as an expression of love and gratitude for the sexuality and femininity that their partners bring into the marriage. Let that sink in, and when you put it to the test will see it for yourself.

My husband not only understands and accepts that there will be other men but he supports and encourages it. The key is to make our evolved relationship about love and support rather than selfish, egotistical and needy control. It was also important for him to know that his sex life would change. Sex in a marriage has an ebb and flow but a cuckold type marriage certainly ebbs and flows more than others. It’s also worth mentioning, don’t focus too much on the word “cuck”. At the beginning I did not like it but I say make your own definitions of what you like. There are seasons where we have frequent sex, there are seasons where we have infrequent sex and there are seasons where our sexual connection is intimate conversation, gentle touching and physical closeness. My sexuality isn’t limited but the cravings seem to be laser focused at times in my life. There will always be room for my husband, I repeat always be room in my sex life for my husband but we both know the definition of that will change. My husband is what allows me the freedom to pursue limerence and newness with other people and bring that energy back to my heart and to our marriage.

The irony is that before I started seeing other men, I wasn’t overly interested in my husband’s penis. Between kids, stress, work and family needs, it wasn’t a priority. Now we both thrive from my seemingly unlimited sexual energy as I’m flirting with someone else. I know he sees the way I look at the cute waiter or the fit bartender or even the delivery man. I love getting my husband hard and keeping him that way because the sweet torture provides positive reinforcement for him as a loving and supportive husband. In fact, the sexuality in our marriage always comes back to him because he is what enables my sexuality and feminine energy to thrive.

Our sexual sessions are directed at my husband’s sexuality and about appeasing or playing from his insecurities about this dynamic. As mentioned in my other blogs my husband is classified as small (under 5inch), but these insecurities that pop up we use those to fuel our play together. The fact that another man in our life that pleases me in ways that he can’t really hits him. It causes frustration at times but his penis is hard and we talk frequently to make sure this is what we both want. The sexual dynamic of our marriage is about making my enjoyment and pleasure as intense as possible but bringing that energy back to our bedroom. My husband is always eager to reclaim me but we’ve overcome that necessity now and I find it is best to make him wait and feed his desperation to continually build sexual energy together. Telling him stories as I hold his penis or rubbing him through his trousers is a wonderful to harness that sexual energy together.

Our first experience was on vacation, we met a man at a bar and the three of us hit it off. My husband and I had discussed a threesome fantasy for months with the two of us and another man. The feeling was electric and my husband and I knew this was a defining moment in our relationship as we both flirted with this man, Ivan. He wasn’t overly attractive but he was well built and had nice shoulders and chest which I find alluring. We eventually had enough to drink and the three of us made our way back to our room. We laid in bed together with me in the middle and each of them on opposite sides of me. I revealed in the excitement and energy of being the center of attention. Before long, shorts came off and the three of us were lying in bed nude and exploring each other. I leaned toward my husband to kiss him and simultaneously arched my back toward Ivan who pushed his cock into me as he grasped me from behind.

The feeling was electric and new as a different man was entering me with the full support and encouragement of my husband. I locked eyes with my husband as Ivan pushed deeper and deeper with each thrust. The passion couldn’t muffle my moans as Ivan thrust in and out of me. My body shivered but I never break the gaze I had with my husband. Not only did he seem ok but he seemed like he knew this was right. He seemed like he knew that this threesome wasn’t a threesome anymore but that may be exactly what we need and it may be the next step in the evolution of our marriage. Ivan left and we didn’t capture his contact information, we needed time to discuss and digest where we were at. Was this an evolution of our marriage or perhaps just experimentation? The passion and emotional highs we experienced through the remainder of our trip made it clear to us that there would be no going back.

If I can offer advice for harnessing this sexual energy it can be summed up with one word. Togetherness. This is something you are doing together and there is no chance of leaving your husband, it is about experiencing life and sexuality together as a couple. Dealing with difficult emotions such as insecurity and jealousy are very real and my husband and I use comparison and humiliation as tools for that purpose. We are fans of light humiliation and that is a tactic we use most often as a reason for denial. His mind needs justification about why I am denying him and size is a most common asset of male hubris. Male insecurity is so centrally focused on penis size that talking about my boyfriend’s larger size is a great way to create a stirring sensation inside him. Without togetherness you grow apart and in due time will eventually go separate ways. I have no intention of ending my relationship with my wonderful husband and it is key to make this lifestyle about togetherness. Knowing that I have sexual freedom and he does not, I feel like it is my obligation to share stories and give allow sexual outlet of some kind to be certain that my husband’s needs are met. After all, without his loving support this type of relationship simply wouldn’t be possible.

Making sure that his sexual needs are met doesn’t always look as it has in the past but we try new things and different ways to stimulate new ways to keep the dopamine flowing.